Letter 6

Dear Clank

It has been a horrible weekend. I spoke to Mumsey on Friday and she said the keys to the house had been handed back and then she said : There is no more 64 Fairburn Avenue. That was all she said. On Saturday, I woke with a horrible lump in the pit of my stomach, all day I kept thinking, that's it, all done, all gone. I kept looking at your picture thinking yep she really isn't here anymore and I spent a lot of the day crying. It was a bit awkward as I met my friend Paul for breakfast and kept having to drag myself back to his conversation and make the appropriate responses. I really needed to find a place I could sit and sob my heart out but that never happened. June came back from Spain on the Friday as well and she commented about the toadstool being gone so I guess she is feeling it too.

I called Mumsey yesterday, it was her birthday, she didn't want to celebrate it and I can understand that, but I had to wish her a happy birthday I couldn't just let it pass. I had a lovely text from LM telling me she was ok and she appreciated me calling her Nan. You mum has been a big part of my life too so I can hardly let her get on with it. I know that if the boot was on the other foot, you would be doing the same.

These letters remind me of the time you were suffering from depression. I didn't get a reply from you for months but I kept plodding on telling you you could ignore me all you wanted but I was still going to write. Eventally you replied and poured your heart out and took some of my phone calls. You needed time to think and eventually you got there. This time there will be no reply, I know that, but it helps to get things down.

There are some things I would love to tell you, but here is too public. I don't have a problem with saying what I think, but there are times when it is best to just keep my gob shut. I guess you know what ails me anyway. Someone sent me a request from your facebook last week, it was asking to be tagged into the photo we took when you came to see us on the boat last year. Lise says it wasn't her, LM says it wasn't her so now that only leaves R and he says it wasn't him either. I also got an email from you entitled: Greetings. Mmmm I thought, Sharon is trying to contact me from the great beyond, and as much as I would like to think so, I am afraid it is a case of you being just too slapdash with who you gave your passwords to!!

Anyway bird, I have to go. I will write soon
Lots of Love
Me xx

P.S I have 2 weeks on a narrowboat next year, Christine has decided I can take the kids. I will tell you more in my next ketter