Letter 3

Dear Clank
I had the pleasure of  Kai and Sians company on Saturday night after the barby. Sian is such a little madam, she wanted me to go to bed with them and give her a cuddle, but instead of saying that, she just went into hysterics over the dead hamster. In the end, once I told her I knew all she wanted was a cuddle she gave me one of her evil looks and cuddled up to me. After that I didn't hear a peep all night until some ungodly hour of 7am on Sunday morning. I got into bed with them and miracle of miracles, they let me sleep until 9.30. I woke with such an horrendous head ache, I fed them, took some pills and slept for a bit longer on the sofa. I took them home about 5pm. On the way home Sian said from the back of the car: No-one ever thinks about me, so I said: Actually you are right, I never think about you or Kai and then when you come in the door I think OMG I have grandchildren!! That made her smile.

Dad, it getting noticably doddery, he seems confused with the simplest of things and sits down all day. I know his legs are playing him up, but he doesn't do much at all during the day. I have noticed he has started to make excuses to not go out. He sleeps in most mornings too. I hate leaving the house until I have seen him. Just in case, you know.

I have an invite to go to Gills for the weekend, it was nice speaking about our childhood. It's her birthday so we are going to celebrate it. Looking at the photo's it looks nice and secluded and quiet where she lives. She is struggling financially, but she is hanging on in there. She'll make it.

I got a message from Steve C on facebook, he was asking if I remembered Debbie H, he asked in such a way, I thought he was going to tell me he knew where she was. I told him about the time she tried to avoid talking to me at the garden centre. She was very dark that girl, I often wonder what happened to her or if she is still alive even. Such a screwed up girl, I believe you were right once when you told me something wasn't right in that family. I hope she has sorted out her head and is living a nice life somewhere in Surrey.

Work is pissing me off. My other boss has taken VR now and leaves at the end of July. Slowly slowly the work is finding it's way on my desk. To add insult to injury, I got my HERA scoring today, what a joke, they have hardly taken anything into account. No-one has even asked if I am happy to take on some of the work, nor will they. After taking on 1 grade 7 managers job and getting sweet F.A for it I have no intentiuon of taking on anothers and they can haul me up to HR if they want.

You not being here, really concentrates the mind. I was thinking about that Horizon programme you did about your photographic memory when you were a teenager. Then after it was shown, those girls from another higher class came asking you questions. I hated that girl, she tried to bully me from the moment I entered that school, it was only Carol P's sister pulling her aside and telling her to pick on someone else that her and her mate finally left me alone. I remember once asking you to project Gerry Shephard next to me, fat lot of good it did me cos you were the only one who could see it. LOL!!

Mumsey seems to be ok at the moment. She said that a lot of your stuff got sold at the boot sale and the girls gave her the money. It makes me wonder why we keep stuff if all it ends up as is boot sale stock. All those things we think we treasure, sold for 50p. Your house has to be cleared and it has to go somewhere, it makes me feel sad, because I know I will have to do that at my Dads house, and one day, someone will have to clear out my life out too. Ingy has let me have the bracelet I bought you with the beads on it. I will wear it along side mine. I remember you getting the hump, you couldn't wear it because nit wit here forgot about all the weight you had lost and bought you a long one! Duh

I think about you every day. I tell you every morning: Love ya mate. And I do, you were like a sister to me. At your bedside I was telling the girls the story of your Mum getting a grilling from the lady at the holiday camp about giving birth to twins. I hoped you could hear because I wanted you to hear funny things and not be scared. I think when Lise and I first came in you could hear us. You turned towards the talking and I came and stroked your head. Then when your family were talking to the doctor the nurse came and gave you a sedative you remained still while I was there then. The girls said you opened your eyes at the last moment and cried, I guess you were heartbroken at leaving them too, I am glad I had left before then. Just like you used to cry when I cried, I would have done the same and I needed to be strong for them.

Anyway, look at me getting all maudling. On a more cheerful note, it's your Mums birthday on Sunday, she says she doesn't want to celebrate but I will send her a card, Mummy Enstein. Better not put that in it or she will kill me

I managed to clear some of the garden at the weekend, all I need to do is get a rubbish clearance company in now to get rid of all the broken pots. They can go in the coal bunker, there must be some humungous spiders in there and there is no way I am putting my hand in. Petrus offered so I might take him up on it and get the clearance organised.

Well my lovely, time to sign off. I will write again soon.
All my Love
Me xxx

P.S I really fancy a Belgium bun from Gregs, but I am beginning to look like one so I must resist.