Friday, 7 June 2013

Letter 1

Dear Clank
Well as I can no longer send you letters, I thought I would write to you this way. Over the years we have exchanged a lot of letters, but I am writing these in the hope that, somewhere in the upper atmosphere, they will float past and you will get to read them.

I start this letter with some terribly sad news, last week I went to a funeral. As funerals go, it wasn't too bad a send off, but  seeing that coffin go past in the hearse, I couldn't quite bring myself to look. You were in it and it just didn't make any sense. Yes I knew you had been ill for quite sometime, I had even spoken to you a few hours before you travelled on to the great beyond, but there was this wooden box and you, my, friend were resting in it. From what I remember, the flowers were really beautiful but the coffin going past didn't really compute. Your friend Ragnhild was there. I hugged her as she stepped out of the car and couldn't let go, the last time I had seen her was when we visited her at her house in Norway. Eventually I had to force myself into the chapel. I sat and held Ragnhilds hand, to comfort her and myself.

You know, I don't think I ever heard you play Jim Croce. time in a bottle. Gill Robb and Shaun Briggs were there, Gill said you used to play it a lot when you were kids. Sometimes Clank you are a dark horse. Obviously I knew you liked Enigma, so return to innocence was no big surprise, nor was the Norwegian song, the title I can't pronouce, let alone sing. I must confess, I wasn't keen on that one. It was one of those times when we would have to agree to disagree.

As the curtain closed, the humanist guy who conducted your service, said 'now we must say goodbye to Sharon' well I am sorry, I made a complete tit of myself and sobbed into Ragnhilds shoulder, telling her I didn't want to. I then listened to 'I love to boogie' by T-Rex. Now that song really was your thing, but it couldn't so much as raise a toe wiggle. I was not going to say goodbye, no way. So I walked out into the bright sunshine and put you in a little box at the back of my mind.

Samm was outside, I gave her a hug, no point in holding a grudge, it was about you and she did look really sad. we had a little chat then went and waited on the grass. The undertaker handed us all a balloon each and at the count of 3 we let go simultaneously.

Those balloons soared higher and higher up into the beautiful blue sky. I stood transfixed for ages watching them go up and up and up, a plane passed them and still we could see them. They floated as one, it was an amazing thing to see.

We went to the Rising sun after, it was gorgeous sitting outside in the sun. I don't really remember much, I do know that when the time came for Jo and Billy to leave I felt this great sadness that I probably wouldn't see them again for a long time if ever. I did invite them to London though and promised that if ever I am in the area in a boat I would give them a call to come along for the day. I slipped some money in an envelope into your mums bag to help the girls out a bit, the housing association want rent for a month!! Bastards! I told your Mum when she told me off the next day, it's only what you would have done for me if you could.

I went to the house on Saturday morning to see Lise and Ragnhild. It felt strange being in your house without you there. Lise had been cleaning, so the kitchen didn't have that lived in look, just for a moment, you popped out of that box in my head, and I felt this horrendous bolt in the pit of my stomach as I realised, after that day, I would never set foot in the house again. I hugged Lise,  it felt like I was saying goodbye to her too, I told her to keep in touch with me as I had watched her grow up and she felt like family to me. When I left the house, she and Ragnhild cried, I had to pull the car over a little further on so that I could cry too.

I went to see Mumsey, Paul and LM. LM was with her boyfriend, she actually allowed me to give her a hug. wonders will never cease. :-) I hope she doesn't come crashing down once everything has been sorted out, she looks so depressed, which in the circumstances is only to be expected. As usual i got a great big Paul crush when I left

On the way home, I decided to take the spooky route, which meant we stopped off at Cheerbrooks. I sat and remembered the last time I was there. It was with you, on a nice spring afternoon, we were looking at the pond. Remember?

I went back to work on Monday, and this week has been one bloody meeting after another. In some ways it has kept me occupied, and in others it has been a bother. Samm sent me a friend request on Facebook which I accepted, we had a little facebook chat as you do. She says that Barbara has pushed everyone away and is alone and bitter. Sadly I don't care. It was her choice. LM banned them from the funeral, Kelvin did ask about the arrangements, but she just ignored the message.

I got a new phone today, a Samsung galaxy S4, I rang your mobile and heard you say. hi this is Sharon, leave me a message. It was so nice to hear your voice. I got a colleague to delete your contact details after, I walked into my office and before I knew it great big tears were rolling down my face. I wasn't expecting that, I thought I was ready to do it. I can remember your mobile number anyway, after all, it was my mobile number for a long time before I gave it to you.

Well it's bedtime, so I must bring this letter to a close. I miss you my dear friend, it feels as if all our times together have disappeared, I know they will return, but you are not here to share them so they have faded into the mists for a bit. I hope you are well and happy, if you see my Mum tell her I love her. I will write to you soon.
Lots of Love
Me xxx

P.S Really pissed off with the company I sent your photos to, they have mounted it and chopped off some of your head, you look like an alien!!!

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