Dear Clank
I went to a surprise 80th birthday party the other week in Plumstead. I drove over as I was taking Christine and she isn't doing public transport at the moment. That side of the river has changed a lot, and we had a fantastic night. On the way home I decided to go via Griffin road. That brought out a turmoil of emotions. I stopped at the church that was on the corner along from Barbara's old house and thought about all the weekends we had walked that road to go and see Barbara and then back again to catch the bus to Woolwich.
I told Christine about the night we met Steve Steadman and Dave Cammack on the way to the ferry. She doesn't really know much about that and I explained that Woolwich on a Saturday was a hot place to pull and that most of the blokes we met were all good clean fun. Young men who had just joined the army who were probably home sick and wondering what they had let themselves in for. That group of blokes went past asking for our chips and we gave them the brush off, then when they were almost at the end of the road Barbara screamed at the top of her lungs:' OYE Want a chip?' and about 20 blokes did an about turn and ran back up the road towards us. LOL. I think at one point we had about 2 blokes on each arm and then they whittled down to just Dave and Steve.
It is still hard but I am coming to terms with you not being here, but not a day goes by when I don't think about you. I had a dream about you the other night, I was holding your hand and promising that I would look out for your Mum and kids, and I do as best as I can. Not being close physically doesn't help, but I am going to make the effort to go to see your Mum before Christmas and spend a bit of quality time with her. She is struggling with Paul not getting any money and the thought that he may be going to Norway after Christmas. The doctor is worried about her heart, it is beating too fast, but any fool can see that it is just plain broken.
I was talking to an old colleague the other day and I told her that you had died, she reminded me of a conversation we had in the office once when I was telling Christine that you were the only person who knew me like I know myself. I don't like being the only person who knows me truely for who I am.
Dad is being awkward, he made me laugh the other day, I asked if he had heard from the insurance company about when they were likely to sort out the subsidence, I asked him about a form he had been sent and whether he had filled it in and returned it. I got this sheepish look so I said: ' Oh silly me, fancy forgetting that if you ignore the form, the cracks will just mend themselves.' He appreciates sarcasm. I got the form, read it, filled it in them made him write a cheque for the excess, which he said he didn't know how much it was, but I told him it was on his policy. So now we wait, I am hoping they will tell him the kitchen needs to be gutted. Oh how I want them to destroy that awful kitchen.............
The weather has turned. We have had such a beautiful summer, you would have loved it. health allowing, you would have been able to spend a lot of time outside. I am gutted that you missed it. Now winter and the dark evenings draw upon us and it's time to get my winter woolies out of the wardrobe.
Anyway my lovely, time for me to go and get on with the dinner. I miss you dear friend and sometimes I wish I had a magic wand to bring you back and make it all better. How popular would I be if I could?!!
Lots Of Love
Me xx
P.S I have had an awful virus, been off work for 4 days, but it is back to the grind tomorrow.
Sunday, 13 October 2013
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Letter 10
Dear Clank
It's been a long time since I have written you a letter. I am really struggling to get my head around the fact that I will no longer see or hear you again.
I have just come back from Wales which was the last place I saw you looking fit and healthy. When I walked into the place I cried and spoke to you. It was a very happy day as I remember, we laid out a buffet and had a good old gossip, while the dogs ran around outside. I stood in the kitchen this time and remembered that day in detail and then I smelt cigarette smoke and thought, oh dear the previous people have been smoking in here. I went up to the bathroom and smelt smoke up there too, then Sue and Paul arrived and Paul smelt cigarette smoke. When Annette came over to say hello, I asked her about the previous guests and asked if they had been smoking in the barn and she said, no, they weren't smokers. Later on we got to talking about you and Annette asked me if you smoked, she suggested that maybe you had come to visit. I really hoped you had.
It wasn't a bad holiday, the weather was really lovely. On your birthday I drove over to the Elan Valley and released a balloon, a big red, shiny heart. We had dire warnings from the balloon police, sometimes I wish Susan would keep her mouth shut, she would only need to know if it would be inflated the next day, but no, she gave all the details so the balloon police told us we would not be able to release the balloon because it was 'illegal'. Well bollox to that, off we went and up it went then got blown sideways. I hope you saw it.
Then I had to go over to Crewe. I have found that it has really unsettled me. Christine put her finger on it straight away. All the time I am in London I can still think of you as being in Crewe, but when I am in Crewe I have to face the fact that you are gone. No trips to the Shroppie fly, Snugbury's or Cheerbrooks. No little inpromptu visits or Chinese takeaways. Little legs gave me the letters you kept that I sent while you were in hospital, that was very emotional for me, knowing that you kept them. She also gave me back the bracelet I bought you. It needs a good clean but I am so grateful for those things, I have put them in a treasure box. I also saw the most beautiful rainbow on my way over. I saw through it as I drove along the road. I heard knocking during the night, then last night I had a lovely dream about Kroppen. He gave me a huge hug and I would like to think these are all signs that you are still with me. I miss you so much dear friend, sometimes I just can't see the way forward. You were the only person who knew me like I know myself and it hurts to know that no one will ever be able to do that again.
Lots of Love
Me
xxx
It's been a long time since I have written you a letter. I am really struggling to get my head around the fact that I will no longer see or hear you again.
I have just come back from Wales which was the last place I saw you looking fit and healthy. When I walked into the place I cried and spoke to you. It was a very happy day as I remember, we laid out a buffet and had a good old gossip, while the dogs ran around outside. I stood in the kitchen this time and remembered that day in detail and then I smelt cigarette smoke and thought, oh dear the previous people have been smoking in here. I went up to the bathroom and smelt smoke up there too, then Sue and Paul arrived and Paul smelt cigarette smoke. When Annette came over to say hello, I asked her about the previous guests and asked if they had been smoking in the barn and she said, no, they weren't smokers. Later on we got to talking about you and Annette asked me if you smoked, she suggested that maybe you had come to visit. I really hoped you had.
It wasn't a bad holiday, the weather was really lovely. On your birthday I drove over to the Elan Valley and released a balloon, a big red, shiny heart. We had dire warnings from the balloon police, sometimes I wish Susan would keep her mouth shut, she would only need to know if it would be inflated the next day, but no, she gave all the details so the balloon police told us we would not be able to release the balloon because it was 'illegal'. Well bollox to that, off we went and up it went then got blown sideways. I hope you saw it.
Then I had to go over to Crewe. I have found that it has really unsettled me. Christine put her finger on it straight away. All the time I am in London I can still think of you as being in Crewe, but when I am in Crewe I have to face the fact that you are gone. No trips to the Shroppie fly, Snugbury's or Cheerbrooks. No little inpromptu visits or Chinese takeaways. Little legs gave me the letters you kept that I sent while you were in hospital, that was very emotional for me, knowing that you kept them. She also gave me back the bracelet I bought you. It needs a good clean but I am so grateful for those things, I have put them in a treasure box. I also saw the most beautiful rainbow on my way over. I saw through it as I drove along the road. I heard knocking during the night, then last night I had a lovely dream about Kroppen. He gave me a huge hug and I would like to think these are all signs that you are still with me. I miss you so much dear friend, sometimes I just can't see the way forward. You were the only person who knew me like I know myself and it hurts to know that no one will ever be able to do that again.
Lots of Love
Me
xxx
Friday, 28 June 2013
Letter 9
Dear Clank
I have just had a nice weekend with Gill. I love her house, tucked away in a little hamlet and the view from the conservatory across the garden and fields beyond is fantastic, I will definitely be going back there again. She wasn't very well over the weekend, but she slept and it gave me a bit of time to chill and relax. I left hers at about 11am yesterday as it was her birthday and I thought it would be nice for her to have some time with her family. We went to a marina open day on Saturday, OMG it was so quiet, there was hardly anyone there and no nice boats for sale.
I was looking at Google earth the other day and decided to look at Konnerud. The first place I saw was Poppegardsveien. That was the first place I ever visited you in Norway. What a gorgeous house it was. Until then I had never realised just how big Norwegian houses were. The landing was as large as my whole flat!! The kids were little and you had that lovely big balcony from your bedroom and around the living room. I got into polishing your table with that bees wax polish. We used to take Cinders out walking with us. Remember how she used to go off and forage in the forest and then come out and meow when she couldn't see us? Then you would call her and she would come trotting up the road after us. She has those lovely little grey kittens with the ginger patches. I loved it there. I zoomed in on Google earth and tried to find the house and after a while there it was. It looks so different from how I remember it, much more built up. The forest that was up the road has definitely gone. Happy days.................................
I am leaning towards selling the house more and more. I just do not want the responsibility of owning it anymore. A part of me is holding back, but I have no idea what is happening here at work and I just feel the need to move on and use my money for something else. I think if we are outsourced or made redundant, I will definitely put it on the market and look to go temping. I have learned over the years the more you are shit at your job, the more you are liked for it.
I have been a bit of a social butterfly this week, I was out with Ruth Wednesday and Tina Thursday. Both of those friends I met in Turkey. You know I don't take to people easily, but they have been friends for the last 15 years. I am off out tonight with Linda, who came on the boat with us last time? She has taken retirement and has just lost her step daughter to cancer. We'll go for an Indian I suppose.
Spoke to Mumsey yesterday, she was stressing about social services coming and on the morning of the appointment they cancelled. She had too many appointments apparently. I don't think Paul will be going to Norway any time soon. It is good to have a chat with her and she said that her neighbour Ivy came over and that they spent the afternoon together. I am really happy she has done that.
Anyway, that's it for today. I will write to you soon.
Lots of Love
Me xxx
P.S I have really missed you this week. I am starting to feel the strain now. Love ya
I have just had a nice weekend with Gill. I love her house, tucked away in a little hamlet and the view from the conservatory across the garden and fields beyond is fantastic, I will definitely be going back there again. She wasn't very well over the weekend, but she slept and it gave me a bit of time to chill and relax. I left hers at about 11am yesterday as it was her birthday and I thought it would be nice for her to have some time with her family. We went to a marina open day on Saturday, OMG it was so quiet, there was hardly anyone there and no nice boats for sale.
I was looking at Google earth the other day and decided to look at Konnerud. The first place I saw was Poppegardsveien. That was the first place I ever visited you in Norway. What a gorgeous house it was. Until then I had never realised just how big Norwegian houses were. The landing was as large as my whole flat!! The kids were little and you had that lovely big balcony from your bedroom and around the living room. I got into polishing your table with that bees wax polish. We used to take Cinders out walking with us. Remember how she used to go off and forage in the forest and then come out and meow when she couldn't see us? Then you would call her and she would come trotting up the road after us. She has those lovely little grey kittens with the ginger patches. I loved it there. I zoomed in on Google earth and tried to find the house and after a while there it was. It looks so different from how I remember it, much more built up. The forest that was up the road has definitely gone. Happy days.................................
I am leaning towards selling the house more and more. I just do not want the responsibility of owning it anymore. A part of me is holding back, but I have no idea what is happening here at work and I just feel the need to move on and use my money for something else. I think if we are outsourced or made redundant, I will definitely put it on the market and look to go temping. I have learned over the years the more you are shit at your job, the more you are liked for it.
I have been a bit of a social butterfly this week, I was out with Ruth Wednesday and Tina Thursday. Both of those friends I met in Turkey. You know I don't take to people easily, but they have been friends for the last 15 years. I am off out tonight with Linda, who came on the boat with us last time? She has taken retirement and has just lost her step daughter to cancer. We'll go for an Indian I suppose.
Spoke to Mumsey yesterday, she was stressing about social services coming and on the morning of the appointment they cancelled. She had too many appointments apparently. I don't think Paul will be going to Norway any time soon. It is good to have a chat with her and she said that her neighbour Ivy came over and that they spent the afternoon together. I am really happy she has done that.
Anyway, that's it for today. I will write to you soon.
Lots of Love
Me xxx
P.S I have really missed you this week. I am starting to feel the strain now. Love ya
Friday, 21 June 2013
Letter 8
Dear Clank
Well thank god it's Friday, I noticed the other day, coming into work, that I am on autopilot. The weeks fly by, I mean it's July in a few weeks time and then after that, clearing starts all over again. Things are not looking good here, I can tell you that. Admissions are down, the calls are down. Switchboard is always the first to notice. I have a sneaking suspicion that we are being looked at as a means of outsourcing. Fuck 'em I say. We also generate some income so they won't be saving as much as they think they will. Still no-one has approached us about Eddies job. They intend to replace him but if that's the case they better start advertisng soon as neither Steve nor I intend to take on any of his work. Make a mug of me once, shame on them. Make a mug of me twice, shame on me.
The other good thing about Friday, is it is takeaway night. I love being able to get home and just order something on the phone and then chill, although tonight, I will be doing a bit of housework as I will be at Gills tomorrow until Sunday. Someone else to do the cooking, lovely, I hope she can cook!!
Spoke to Mumsey last night. She said she will never go along Victoria avenue again. Like me, you loved driving through the tunnel of trees in the summer. I must admit, the thought of going back to the house does make my stomach feel a bit wobbly, I will have to one day though, if I sell it I will need to clear out the shed and get my stuff from storage. I have such lovely memories of going home at weekends and driving off somewhere with you. Snugbury's, Bunbury, Cheerbrooks, Chester. Do you remember the night when your Mum was living with you and we went out for a Chinese. You were so desperate for some time away from your Mum that we drove almost to Wrexham and pulled over in a layby and just sat in the dark smoking a fag. Then drove over to Bunbury and giggled in the dark about the time I got my wing mirror 'knocked off'. Mmmmmm where was it we drove when I hired that car? Somewhere in Wales, the destination
escapes me. I remember being stuck in traffic on the way back and skidding on that tiny oil patch. Good job we were only going slowly. For some reason, I also remember us going to Snugburys and you getting really arsey with the girl because you couldn't have a double scoop on on of their little cones. LOL
I feel ok most of the time, then a little comment or something brings me back to reality. The human psyche really does a lot to protect itself doesn't it? Most of the time is spent in denial. I was talking to another friend about it. She thinks that the distance (in miles) has a lot to do with it. Her brother was living in New Zealand when he died, she says most of the time she feels great, then a little thing will start her off.
I am worried about my Dad. He looked almost comatosed last night. He hardly touched his food. I sat there thinking, please please please don't you die on me as well. I really do think that would be the final straw. I can see him get older and older in his ways, and he seems to have really gone down hill this last year. I am forever asking him if he is alright and just he says: yes yes, I am fine.
Anyway my dear, it's time I got on with some stuff. I will write after I get back from Gills.
Lots of Love
Me xxx
P.S I don't think Shaun will be there. N N W W. LOL
Well thank god it's Friday, I noticed the other day, coming into work, that I am on autopilot. The weeks fly by, I mean it's July in a few weeks time and then after that, clearing starts all over again. Things are not looking good here, I can tell you that. Admissions are down, the calls are down. Switchboard is always the first to notice. I have a sneaking suspicion that we are being looked at as a means of outsourcing. Fuck 'em I say. We also generate some income so they won't be saving as much as they think they will. Still no-one has approached us about Eddies job. They intend to replace him but if that's the case they better start advertisng soon as neither Steve nor I intend to take on any of his work. Make a mug of me once, shame on them. Make a mug of me twice, shame on me.
The other good thing about Friday, is it is takeaway night. I love being able to get home and just order something on the phone and then chill, although tonight, I will be doing a bit of housework as I will be at Gills tomorrow until Sunday. Someone else to do the cooking, lovely, I hope she can cook!!
Spoke to Mumsey last night. She said she will never go along Victoria avenue again. Like me, you loved driving through the tunnel of trees in the summer. I must admit, the thought of going back to the house does make my stomach feel a bit wobbly, I will have to one day though, if I sell it I will need to clear out the shed and get my stuff from storage. I have such lovely memories of going home at weekends and driving off somewhere with you. Snugbury's, Bunbury, Cheerbrooks, Chester. Do you remember the night when your Mum was living with you and we went out for a Chinese. You were so desperate for some time away from your Mum that we drove almost to Wrexham and pulled over in a layby and just sat in the dark smoking a fag. Then drove over to Bunbury and giggled in the dark about the time I got my wing mirror 'knocked off'. Mmmmmm where was it we drove when I hired that car? Somewhere in Wales, the destination
escapes me. I remember being stuck in traffic on the way back and skidding on that tiny oil patch. Good job we were only going slowly. For some reason, I also remember us going to Snugburys and you getting really arsey with the girl because you couldn't have a double scoop on on of their little cones. LOL
I feel ok most of the time, then a little comment or something brings me back to reality. The human psyche really does a lot to protect itself doesn't it? Most of the time is spent in denial. I was talking to another friend about it. She thinks that the distance (in miles) has a lot to do with it. Her brother was living in New Zealand when he died, she says most of the time she feels great, then a little thing will start her off.
I am worried about my Dad. He looked almost comatosed last night. He hardly touched his food. I sat there thinking, please please please don't you die on me as well. I really do think that would be the final straw. I can see him get older and older in his ways, and he seems to have really gone down hill this last year. I am forever asking him if he is alright and just he says: yes yes, I am fine.
Anyway my dear, it's time I got on with some stuff. I will write after I get back from Gills.
Lots of Love
Me xxx
P.S I don't think Shaun will be there. N N W W. LOL
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Letter 7
Dear Clank
So what has been happening in this part of blighty? I had a hospital appointment yesterday, when I got my eyes tested the optician found some inflamation in the back of my eye and the pressure was high. So off I went to Moorfields in Mile End hospital. They gave it a thorough check, the pressure is fine (It usually is, those puffer tests are very inaccurate) but they found that the inflamation was due to toxoplasmosis. Apparently my Mum got infected during pregnancy, I have read up about it and it must have been late pregnancy. The scarring was at the side of my eye, so I was lucky as usually it scars the retina and leads to blindness, also it can cause brain damage in a foetus. Bathbun did say I have brain damage. Er thanks for that Dad. anyway the infection is dormant and he thinks it's highly unlikely to reactivate so it is all o.k. The weird thing is, is that all the operations I have had on my eyes as a kid and an adult, all the eye exams I have had since wearing glasses and it has taken 53 years before anyone discovered it!
I got talking to this woman on the 'I'm from E15' group she is married to Mick, it turns out I worked with her at my first job in Midland Bank. She doesn't remember me as she said she had a breakdown and doesn't remember many peoples names and to be honest I didn't work there for very long. I left there to go to Watts Fincham. I thought: I must tell Sharon, and then realised I couldn't. I hate those moments.............
I have booked a narrowboat holiday for us (The kids and myself) for autumn term 2014!! Chris has finally agreed to go back on a boat and if she is still not well, it won't really matter as she can sit quietly with me while the kids help P with the locks and stuff. I am really excited about taking them on a boat, I hope they love it as much as I do, they will have to get used to it, because, one day I will have one of my own. It will mean going along the Trent and Mersey again, but there are 3 routes I can take off of there for a bit of variety.
I am off to Gills on Saturday for her birthday, I think it will just be us and Alex. I am looking forward to some nice quite time in a nice quiet place where I can chill out for a little bit and either think thing through thoroughly or just blob. I am so tired these days. Putting on the beef hasn't helped. What am I like? But I love eating. I suppose I should get out of that habit of taking it off and putting it on, but after my weekend.
I haven't heard from Jo and Billy. I was having a 'moment' after you died and started telling Billy about the time we went over to Wanstead flats fair. As usual it rained and rained and it was a bloody mud bath and you got your foot stuck in the mud and after finally yanking it out, it came minus your shoe. So off came the other shoe and there was you squelching about with your shoes in your hand in just your tights!! People were staring at you, but we all thought it was hilarious!! Then you came to this big puddle and because you were making everyone laugh you pretended you felt hot and that you were going to sit in the puddle. You almost did too, but you were only teasing. Those days we had no worries. Sometimes I wish I could go back there. There is a great sadness when I think how care free we were then compared to now and how life just whizzes by. It feels weird that young people look at me and think 'Granny' just like we used to. LOL. 40 was ancient and now I wish I were only 40!!
I don't know what to do about the house. I am getting fed up with the responsibility. I keep saying I will wait until this or that but everytime the agent calls my heart comes up in my mouth and I think :Oh no, what now. I am never going to live in it again so I may as well get rid of it, then I think about the tenants but I don't owe them anything. I may have to pay the council tax as I don't want to end up paying loads of tax on it. I have to make a decision soon or the window of opportunity may go.
Anyway bored you enough I suppose. I will speak to you soon.
All my Love
Me xxx
P,S Nothing P.S worthy today......... Sorry
So what has been happening in this part of blighty? I had a hospital appointment yesterday, when I got my eyes tested the optician found some inflamation in the back of my eye and the pressure was high. So off I went to Moorfields in Mile End hospital. They gave it a thorough check, the pressure is fine (It usually is, those puffer tests are very inaccurate) but they found that the inflamation was due to toxoplasmosis. Apparently my Mum got infected during pregnancy, I have read up about it and it must have been late pregnancy. The scarring was at the side of my eye, so I was lucky as usually it scars the retina and leads to blindness, also it can cause brain damage in a foetus. Bathbun did say I have brain damage. Er thanks for that Dad. anyway the infection is dormant and he thinks it's highly unlikely to reactivate so it is all o.k. The weird thing is, is that all the operations I have had on my eyes as a kid and an adult, all the eye exams I have had since wearing glasses and it has taken 53 years before anyone discovered it!
I got talking to this woman on the 'I'm from E15' group she is married to Mick, it turns out I worked with her at my first job in Midland Bank. She doesn't remember me as she said she had a breakdown and doesn't remember many peoples names and to be honest I didn't work there for very long. I left there to go to Watts Fincham. I thought: I must tell Sharon, and then realised I couldn't. I hate those moments.............
I have booked a narrowboat holiday for us (The kids and myself) for autumn term 2014!! Chris has finally agreed to go back on a boat and if she is still not well, it won't really matter as she can sit quietly with me while the kids help P with the locks and stuff. I am really excited about taking them on a boat, I hope they love it as much as I do, they will have to get used to it, because, one day I will have one of my own. It will mean going along the Trent and Mersey again, but there are 3 routes I can take off of there for a bit of variety.
I am off to Gills on Saturday for her birthday, I think it will just be us and Alex. I am looking forward to some nice quite time in a nice quiet place where I can chill out for a little bit and either think thing through thoroughly or just blob. I am so tired these days. Putting on the beef hasn't helped. What am I like? But I love eating. I suppose I should get out of that habit of taking it off and putting it on, but after my weekend.
I haven't heard from Jo and Billy. I was having a 'moment' after you died and started telling Billy about the time we went over to Wanstead flats fair. As usual it rained and rained and it was a bloody mud bath and you got your foot stuck in the mud and after finally yanking it out, it came minus your shoe. So off came the other shoe and there was you squelching about with your shoes in your hand in just your tights!! People were staring at you, but we all thought it was hilarious!! Then you came to this big puddle and because you were making everyone laugh you pretended you felt hot and that you were going to sit in the puddle. You almost did too, but you were only teasing. Those days we had no worries. Sometimes I wish I could go back there. There is a great sadness when I think how care free we were then compared to now and how life just whizzes by. It feels weird that young people look at me and think 'Granny' just like we used to. LOL. 40 was ancient and now I wish I were only 40!!
I don't know what to do about the house. I am getting fed up with the responsibility. I keep saying I will wait until this or that but everytime the agent calls my heart comes up in my mouth and I think :Oh no, what now. I am never going to live in it again so I may as well get rid of it, then I think about the tenants but I don't owe them anything. I may have to pay the council tax as I don't want to end up paying loads of tax on it. I have to make a decision soon or the window of opportunity may go.
Anyway bored you enough I suppose. I will speak to you soon.
All my Love
Me xxx
P,S Nothing P.S worthy today......... Sorry
Monday, 17 June 2013
Letter 6
Dear Clank
It has been a horrible weekend. I spoke to Mumsey on Friday and she said the keys to the house had been handed back and then she said : There is no more 64 Fairburn Avenue. That was all she said. On Saturday, I woke with a horrible lump in the pit of my stomach, all day I kept thinking, that's it, all done, all gone. I kept looking at your picture thinking yep she really isn't here anymore and I spent a lot of the day crying. It was a bit awkward as I met my friend Paul for breakfast and kept having to drag myself back to his conversation and make the appropriate responses. I really needed to find a place I could sit and sob my heart out but that never happened. June came back from Spain on the Friday as well and she commented about the toadstool being gone so I guess she is feeling it too.
I called Mumsey yesterday, it was her birthday, she didn't want to celebrate it and I can understand that, but I had to wish her a happy birthday I couldn't just let it pass. I had a lovely text from LM telling me she was ok and she appreciated me calling her Nan. You mum has been a big part of my life too so I can hardly let her get on with it. I know that if the boot was on the other foot, you would be doing the same.
These letters remind me of the time you were suffering from depression. I didn't get a reply from you for months but I kept plodding on telling you you could ignore me all you wanted but I was still going to write. Eventally you replied and poured your heart out and took some of my phone calls. You needed time to think and eventually you got there. This time there will be no reply, I know that, but it helps to get things down.
There are some things I would love to tell you, but here is too public. I don't have a problem with saying what I think, but there are times when it is best to just keep my gob shut. I guess you know what ails me anyway. Someone sent me a request from your facebook last week, it was asking to be tagged into the photo we took when you came to see us on the boat last year. Lise says it wasn't her, LM says it wasn't her so now that only leaves R and he says it wasn't him either. I also got an email from you entitled: Greetings. Mmmm I thought, Sharon is trying to contact me from the great beyond, and as much as I would like to think so, I am afraid it is a case of you being just too slapdash with who you gave your passwords to!!
Anyway bird, I have to go. I will write soon
Lots of Love
Me xx
P.S I have 2 weeks on a narrowboat next year, Christine has decided I can take the kids. I will tell you more in my next ketter
It has been a horrible weekend. I spoke to Mumsey on Friday and she said the keys to the house had been handed back and then she said : There is no more 64 Fairburn Avenue. That was all she said. On Saturday, I woke with a horrible lump in the pit of my stomach, all day I kept thinking, that's it, all done, all gone. I kept looking at your picture thinking yep she really isn't here anymore and I spent a lot of the day crying. It was a bit awkward as I met my friend Paul for breakfast and kept having to drag myself back to his conversation and make the appropriate responses. I really needed to find a place I could sit and sob my heart out but that never happened. June came back from Spain on the Friday as well and she commented about the toadstool being gone so I guess she is feeling it too.
I called Mumsey yesterday, it was her birthday, she didn't want to celebrate it and I can understand that, but I had to wish her a happy birthday I couldn't just let it pass. I had a lovely text from LM telling me she was ok and she appreciated me calling her Nan. You mum has been a big part of my life too so I can hardly let her get on with it. I know that if the boot was on the other foot, you would be doing the same.
These letters remind me of the time you were suffering from depression. I didn't get a reply from you for months but I kept plodding on telling you you could ignore me all you wanted but I was still going to write. Eventally you replied and poured your heart out and took some of my phone calls. You needed time to think and eventually you got there. This time there will be no reply, I know that, but it helps to get things down.
There are some things I would love to tell you, but here is too public. I don't have a problem with saying what I think, but there are times when it is best to just keep my gob shut. I guess you know what ails me anyway. Someone sent me a request from your facebook last week, it was asking to be tagged into the photo we took when you came to see us on the boat last year. Lise says it wasn't her, LM says it wasn't her so now that only leaves R and he says it wasn't him either. I also got an email from you entitled: Greetings. Mmmm I thought, Sharon is trying to contact me from the great beyond, and as much as I would like to think so, I am afraid it is a case of you being just too slapdash with who you gave your passwords to!!
Anyway bird, I have to go. I will write soon
Lots of Love
Me xx
P.S I have 2 weeks on a narrowboat next year, Christine has decided I can take the kids. I will tell you more in my next ketter
Friday, 14 June 2013
Letter 5
Dear Clank
I decided to change the blog a bit yesterday, a nice rich red colour, one of your favorites. I hope you like it, I prefer this to the other template, it has character, a lot like you. :-)
I am very stressed today, one of the staff in here whines like a baby. Over the last few days she has been whining about the UPS making a noise. Quite honestly it is no louder than the last one, but she has been under the cosh at home so it manifests as whinging at her colleagues. I couldn't stand it anymore this morning, so found Elbow on Youtube and am playing that with the door closed. I have decided the fucking UPS is coming in my office and then once it has, I am going to go to her desk every morning and whine in her ear until her eyes bleed! :-)
Lise can't find the necklace she got you from Tiddy. I feel sad for her as I am sure you would have taken very good care of that. As the house is cleared out now I am hoping she will come across it in your belongings that have been kept. Mumsey said LM isn't well, she has a cold or something, poor thing had to go back to work this week the last thing she needs is sick time on top of the other time she has had to take off. I bet Tesco were less than generous with pay and time off, she was in pain with a wisdom tooth on the week of your funeral too. She is going through the wars. I hope she can have a bit of chill out time soon as I think she is going to need it. I am sure Jo, Billy and Mumsey will keep an eye out for her and her boyfriend seems nice. A quiet lad who looks a bit like Daniel Radcliffe!! . Lise is going back to Norway on Friday. That will make all this final and I may have to examine closely that box in my head.
I am going out with Ginge tonight, haven't caught up with her since I went to her house in Christchurch, she is the one person I can have a blast with and make me break my usual no drinking preference! I just love getting pissed with her, she is so hilarious. She was the Yorkshire lass at my Mums funeral. She is very down to earth, not your usual new money type. She once asked me to look out for a stopper for a hot water bottle, later that evening her partner was telling me that he considered themselves quite affluent and didn't have the money contraints most mere mortals have. My response was: Really how come Ginge wants me to find a new hot water bottle stopper instead of just buying a new hot water bottle? We pissed ourselves laughing at that one, material things don't do it for me, but Gary was only joking anyway. Ginge wasn't!! LOL
Well that's me done for today. I will write soon.
Lots of Love
Me xx
P.S UPS= Uninterupped Power Supply in case you were curious. :-)
I decided to change the blog a bit yesterday, a nice rich red colour, one of your favorites. I hope you like it, I prefer this to the other template, it has character, a lot like you. :-)
I am very stressed today, one of the staff in here whines like a baby. Over the last few days she has been whining about the UPS making a noise. Quite honestly it is no louder than the last one, but she has been under the cosh at home so it manifests as whinging at her colleagues. I couldn't stand it anymore this morning, so found Elbow on Youtube and am playing that with the door closed. I have decided the fucking UPS is coming in my office and then once it has, I am going to go to her desk every morning and whine in her ear until her eyes bleed! :-)
Lise can't find the necklace she got you from Tiddy. I feel sad for her as I am sure you would have taken very good care of that. As the house is cleared out now I am hoping she will come across it in your belongings that have been kept. Mumsey said LM isn't well, she has a cold or something, poor thing had to go back to work this week the last thing she needs is sick time on top of the other time she has had to take off. I bet Tesco were less than generous with pay and time off, she was in pain with a wisdom tooth on the week of your funeral too. She is going through the wars. I hope she can have a bit of chill out time soon as I think she is going to need it. I am sure Jo, Billy and Mumsey will keep an eye out for her and her boyfriend seems nice. A quiet lad who looks a bit like Daniel Radcliffe!! . Lise is going back to Norway on Friday. That will make all this final and I may have to examine closely that box in my head.
I am going out with Ginge tonight, haven't caught up with her since I went to her house in Christchurch, she is the one person I can have a blast with and make me break my usual no drinking preference! I just love getting pissed with her, she is so hilarious. She was the Yorkshire lass at my Mums funeral. She is very down to earth, not your usual new money type. She once asked me to look out for a stopper for a hot water bottle, later that evening her partner was telling me that he considered themselves quite affluent and didn't have the money contraints most mere mortals have. My response was: Really how come Ginge wants me to find a new hot water bottle stopper instead of just buying a new hot water bottle? We pissed ourselves laughing at that one, material things don't do it for me, but Gary was only joking anyway. Ginge wasn't!! LOL
Well that's me done for today. I will write soon.
Lots of Love
Me xx
P.S UPS= Uninterupped Power Supply in case you were curious. :-)
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